


Tweeting 101: Don't gay panic when your crush starts the convo first!

by 0R10N



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack Fic, Gay Panic, M/M, Modern AU, OOC, Plot who?, Twitter AU, crackship, lots of chaos, no beta we die like dumbledore, oh james.. you oblivious fuck, reg is a simp, texting au, updates will be short sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:02:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29506626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0R10N/pseuds/0R10N
Summary: James texting like a boomer.. somehow. And Reg gay panicking by your nearby Walmart!
Relationships: Regulus Black/James Potter
Kudos: 45





	1. Dignity: Thrown out of window Hotel: Trivago!

He never felt so pathetic in his prime, well.. until now.

Well fucking hell, he didn’t expected a small.. _crush_ \- as he calls it- to be.. an obsession. 

He groaned, dropping to the bed, he rolled and rolled. Well damn, that feeling escalated quickly.

He opened his laptop, and typed in the bird app. 

  
  


REG

@rab (priv acc)

: OOMF JUST LAUGHED AT MY JOKE EARLIER- AM I IN HEAVEN???

0 retweets 2 quote retweets 20 likes

quote retweets:

BARTY

@itsbartybitch

:SIIIIIIIIIIIMP 

0 retweets 1 likes

replies:   
  


BARTY

@itsbartybitch _replied to @rab_

: simp 🤨

REG

@rab (priv acc) _replied to @itsbartybitch_

: as if you don’t simp for riddle. oops. 🤭

BARTY

@itsbartybitch _replied to @rab_

: BITCH WHAT? FAKE NEWS!!

REG

@rab (priv acc) _replied to @itsbartybitch_

: stfu you can’t deny the homo. 😼😹

BARTY

@itsbartybitch _replied to @rab_

: i will end you

REG

@rab (priv acc) _replied to @itsbartybitch_

: what are you gonna do? throw your D minus graded potions papers at me? 🙀🙀🙀

BARTY

@itsbartybitch _replied to @rab_

: I WILL END YOU AND YOUR BLOODLINE 👿👿👿

But his daily banter with Barty Crouch Jr. ended abruptly when he got a notification of a message in his twitter dms.. on his main.

Who could it be?

He clicked the dms.

No way.

  
  


James Potter | Chaser and Captain

_@jpquidditch_

——————————————————————————

_2:48am Saturday_

James: Hey Reg! Sirius told me this was your twitter, and hopefully will get along even better by this app! 😊

(also sorry for texting you so early in the morning, i’m just a little too excited trying this app out and finding

friends haha)

  
  
  


James fucking Potter.

(finally Sirius did some actual good for him)

Wait a second.

JAMES POTTER.

JAMES POTTER HAS TWITTER. AND HE FOUND REGULUS’ MAIN.

OH DEAR.

OH GODS.

  
  


James Potter | Chaser and Captain

_@jpquidditch_

——————————————————————————

  
  


Reg: didn’t expect you to get the bird app at the mo’. how is it? (also its fine, i was awake anyway)

James: (oh, i see!) Quite neat, but a little more confusing, I’m more used.. to instagram 😅 

~~Well Regulus already knew that~~.

  
  


James Potter | Chaser and Captain

_@jpquidditch_

——————————————————————————

Reg: make yourself at home. twitter is more fun than instagram anyway haha. 

James: 😂😂😂

James: Anyways, how’s your studies in your major? 

Reg: it’s fine, it’s much more fun than nursing.

James: Well that’s good to know! Which major did you took?

Reg: i’m a filming student now.

James: Oh! 😳 I’m excited to see your little films sooner or later haha!

Regulus felt like he was floating by the clouds. Damn.

  
  


James Potter | Chaser and Captain

_@jpquidditch_

——————————————————————————

  
  


James: Well I have to go for now, my mother needs me at the mo’ take care Reg! 😁

Reg: you too.

Was his text too monotone? Too serious ( _Sirius_ )? But it’s James, he won’t take it too seriously.. hopefully.

He sighed.

Regulus went to his private account and went to one of his group chats.

  
  
  


a bunch of fresh roaches in a cupboard 😼

——————————————————————————

_3:00am Saturday_

Barty: DON’T YOU DARE SAY VEGEMITE TASTES NICE YOU SHITE

Snape: BECAUSE IT IS? W E A K L I N G

Barty: I WILL TEAR YOUR NOSE OFF

Snape: CAN YOU EVEN REACH MY NECK?

Bellatrix: if 2 + 2 = 4

Narcissa: Yes.

Bellatrix: and 5 + 5 = 10

Narcissa: Yes.. again.

Bellatrix: then wHO THE F U C K I S T H I S?

Bellatrix: _sent a file._

Bellatrix:  **biguglywhiteassman.jpeg**

Bellatrix: cissy please tell me you’re only dating him for exam answers… 🔫😁

Narcissa: He’s a lovely man, Bella, trust me.

Bellatrix: L I E S 

Snape: lmfao he looks homeless. 

Barty: says the one who's literally a WALKING CANOLA OIL BOTTLE

Barty: you’re literally greasier than a mcdonald quarterpounder burger 🙀🙀🙀

Bellatrix: PLEASEEEEEE

Snape: i hate you.

Reg: guys

Bellatrix: SNAPE GOT HAMMED!!! #NOTFAKE #REAL #CAUGHTONCAMERA

Snape: i hate every single one of you.

Reg: GUYS

Bellatrix: no you don’t! you LOVE us 🥰👉👈

Reg: GUYS

Snape: i’m killing you, barty.

Barty: NOT BEFORE I KILL YOU FIRST-

Reg: G U Y S 

Andromeda: YES REG?

Reg: OOMF HAS TWITTER NOW. 🏃♀️💨💨💨

_3:47 am Saturday_

Barty: am I just too asexual to understand the appeal with oomf or?

Reg: you just don’t have taste. 😍

  
  



	2. Good after fucking noon, and today Barty is gonna have a pain in the ass.

_  
BARTY_

_@itsbartybitch_

_——————————————————————————_

_12:50PM Sunday_

Reg: bitch wake up

Barty: tf you want

Reg: its 1pm yeh douche

Barty: i need beauty sleep

Reg: more like eternal slumber but ok

Barty: what you want

Reg: help me uh look after oomf

Barty: you mean stalking? 👩‍🦯

Reg: fuck you bart wart

Barty: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A WART? 👊👿

Reg: NOT THE DEMON EMOJIS- 😭😭😭 

Reg: SO WILL YOU HELP ME OR

Barty: AFTER A ROUND OF GONG CHA HOE

Reg: FUCK. FINE.

Barty: what time fool

Reg: 3pm by the mall near the town library and thrift store

Barty: aight

_2:30PM Sunday_

Barty: tf you at

Reg: by the left 

Barty: k wait

Reg: NOT YOUR LEFT MY LEFT DUMBASS

Reg:I SEE YOU GOING THE WRONG WAY AND ALMOST GOING STRAIGHT TO THE LINGERIE SECTION 😼

Barty: YOU COULD HAVE SAID RIGHT

Reg: I CAN HEAR YOU HISSING YOU FURRY🦁🦁🦁

Barty: OI WTF STOP 

Reg: 🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁🦁

Reg: ALSO STFU AN OLD LADY JUST LOOKED AT YOU 

Reg: THE DISGUST IN HER FACE- 😭😭😭

Barty: THIS IS YOUR FAULT I HATE YOU

Barty: IM GOING TO HARVEST YOUR SOUL BOY

Reg: OK I SEE YOU DUMBASS

Reg: WATCH OUT KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE ROAD

Reg: DAMN BLINDASS YOU ALMOST HIT THE POOR SALESLADY

Barty: i will throw your face to the pits of the boy’s toilets once college semester starts.

Reg: OO ROOD

Reg: GASP

Reg: I SEE HIM I SEE HIM CODE ✨GOLDEN SNITCH✨

Barty: oh lord why did i got dragged at this again

Reg: STOP LOOKING AT TWT YOU MF😾

  
  
  


“Really? Just really?”

“What?” Regulus snarked, trying to act as if he wasn’t -ahaha- stalking James Potter by leaning by the glass railing.

“He‘s literally just going to the second hand bookshop here, you know, the dusty shithole near the arcade?” Barty remarked, Reg clicked his tongue. “I wanna see what genre of books he would like.”

“You could have asked him? Like a normal bitch? You literally have his twitter.”

“Damn, did a piranha bite your ass today?”

“More like a goat named Regulus.”

“I hate you.”

Making their way, they managed to walk near the gameplace, which was loaded with people. And they saw the back of James’ head go inside with the mullet-haired Sirius.

“I go left you go right, your right this time.”

“Wai-“ Before Barty could protest, Regulus already left to the crowd. “Oh for the love of Salazar-“ 

  
  


_R.A.B_

_@rab_

_——————————————————————————_

_4:08PM Sunday_

Barty: WHERE DID YOU RUN OFF TOO

Reg: SEPERATE WAYS HOE !!

Barty: GRRRR

Barty: WAIT..

Barty: I SEE YOUR BROTHER BY THE BASKETBALL MINIGAME THING

Reg: DO YOU SEE OOMF?

Barty: NOPE

Barty: ACTUALLY NVM I SEE HIM BY THE TOMB RAIDER GAME WITH THE INTERACTIVE GUNS

Barty: GASP BITCHHHHHHHH

Reg: WHAT HAPPENED

Barty: AHEM.

Reg: WHA- OH SHIT

Barty: PLEASEEEEE

Reg: SHIT I THINK HE JUST SAW ME

Reg: HELP

Barty: RUN

Reg: NO. I MUST ACT NONCHALANT TO AVOID SUSPICION.

Barty: pretty sure ppl think you’re crazy by your horrible posture when typing

Reg: i will stuff my stinky sock up your throat if you don’t stop

Barty: I’d rather drink piss

Reg: $HIT BRB. &*);/“%(

Barty: HUH

Barty: OI WHAT HAPPENED??? 👿

_read._

Barty: DONT YOU DARE LEAVE ME ON READ YOU LITTLE SHI-


	3. Regulus, confirmed petrified. -Barty.

_ BARTY _

_ @itsbartybitch _

_ —————————————————————————— _

_ 4:37PM Sunday _

  
  


Reg: bestie im about to die

Barty: so we’re gonna forget the whole ghosting shit,,, ok then bitch

Barty: also: first off, dont call me that,,,

Barty: second, DO I SEE POTTER ABOUT TO TOUCH YOUR SHOULDER

Reg: HUH WHAT-

Reg: IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER-

  
  


“Hey, Reg!”

Oh shit.

“H-Hi!” Was his voice to excited or?-

But it seemed fine as the quidditch player smiled. “Didn’t expect you to be the type to play in places like this one.” Keep it cool, Reg, keep it cool. “Ahaha- I’m here with a friend right now that’s why, he’s probably around the photo booth or the vr  _ “7D rollercoaster” _ thing over there.”

“Hm, that’s neat.” James tutted, which took Regulus’ attention. He clicked his fingers after a few seconds, snapping Regulus out of his thoughts. “Anyway, me and Sirius are about to play at the bowling  section, you and your mate should come with us!”

“H-huh?” Confusion.

Did James just- ask him out? (Kind of- but still!)

Processing.

P R O C E S S I N G.

“Oh-h! Yea sure, why not? But as in now? Or?-“

“Yep, right now! In fact, I’ll pay for you too.”

“James, that’s too much, honestly-“

“Uh-uh-uh! It’s my treat!”

A sigh came out of Regulus’ mouth. “Alright.” James patted the younger Black’s shoulder, “Get your friend now and go to the bowling alley, you’ll see us there!” Before heading back to the games, and of course Regulus internally screamed.

Talk about being nonchalant my narratoring ass.

  
  


_ BARTY _

_ @itsbartybitch _

_ —————————————————————————— _

Reg: bestie im afraid to ask you this im afraid to ask you this-

Barty: i just said- nvm- but wHAT HAPPENED

Reg: OOMF INVITED US WITH MY BROTHER TO BOWL RN AT THE ALLEY IN THIS ARCADE.😃

Barty: oh. OH. O H. 🤭

Reg: TF YOU AT WE GOTTA GO TOGETHER

Barty: HUH WHAT

Reg: WHAT PART OF “OOMF INVITED  **US** ” YOU DIDN”T UNDERSTAND- GET YO YEE YEE ASS HAIRCUT HERE

Barty: but the gong cha-

Reg: NOT. THE. RIGHT. TIME. NOW WHERE. ARE. YOU.

Barty: THE BEAT SABER ONE

Reg: GET YOUR ASS HERE BEFORE I BEAT SABER IT UP


End file.
